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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961022">This Time It's Personal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenDevastation/pseuds/WrittenDevastation'>WrittenDevastation</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Shakarian Project [32]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Garrus goes through all the stages of grief all at once, Hamilton References, Heavy Angst, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut, POV Garrus Vakarian, SHIT GOES BAD REALLY FAST, a complete rewrite of mass effect 3's ending, alternate take on the rush to the Crucible, garrus is dramatic as fuck, heavy imagery, lots and lots of swearing, lots of description and thoughts, mentions of Liara and other events from the past, very action heavy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:35:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenDevastation/pseuds/WrittenDevastation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.” -. Garrus and Shepard get personal as chaos causes Garrus to take action shortly before Shepard has to activate the Crucible; putting their love life before their duty.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Shakarian Project [32]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This Time It's Personal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this fic with a friend named Stephen in discord, he is an absolute legend and did so much and I am so proud to call him a friend. We worked so hard. This fic has taken us 4 days because we wanted to bring a high quality fic to you.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Garrus</b>
</p><p>The time is now...<br/>
The Crucible is here, it is now or never. </p><p>I stumble out of the wrecked Mako, Liara is right behind me. In front of me, Shepard and Anderson are yelling and then I see death itself drop out of the sky; the Reaper screeching as it moves,</p><p>Shit. </p><p>I am pulled back to reality as dozens of other soldiers are around us now and the woman I love is yelling at everyone to charge.<br/>
A few hundred feet, that’s it. A few hundred feet and we are free and the Reapers will be dead.<br/>
We’ve been battling our way through London to get to this point and I’ve been fighting every emotion and the war that rages inside of me, trying to control me and just take my beloved and run away and don’t look back.</p><p> We cannot run away from a situation like this, no matter how much I desperately hope and pray that this is all a sick joke.<br/>
This is the harsh reality and so I follow my orders; always one step behind Shepard and that’s how it always has been.</p><p>But I know that this means trouble. If the love of my life dies here and now, then the Reapers have won, for all I care.<br/>
There is no life without Shepard.</p><p> I’m terrified. We’ve come to deliver justice, to win the war and yet I want to say so much, but I can’t. There is no time for idle talk.<br/>
We haven’t got time to think about much and everything is a blur.</p><p>The first blast from the Reaper hits cutting through the lines sending the Mako to the left of us flying. Keep running. The sound is deafening; more blasts and more people die.</p><p> Athena is still running like she's got infinite stamina. I stumble, falling on my ass but I get up again to keep running after her.</p><p> Running. I've never done so much of it in my life. Have you ever seen a Turian run before? It’s not exactly our strong suit.</p><p>One of the Makos on the right of us is almost parked at the beam, before it gets hit. </p><p>BOOM. </p><p>A blast impacts mere feet from us.<br/>
Am I alive? Check. Is Shepard alive? Check. Okay then, Keep running.<br/>
One of the fighters tries to fly to the conduit but the Reaper is faster and sends is crashing to the ground.</p><p> The Reaper is firing faster now. I wonder if it’s scared? I wonder if it knows that they’re going to lose and they’re going all out or nothing.<br/>
Do they even feel pain? I don’t think they even give a shit about what they’ve done</p><p> Another  fighter spins out of control and crashes around us. </p><p>We’re almost there, just a few more -</p><p>BOOM.  </p><p> A huge blast of energy hits the ground, right in front of Shepard and everything goes white.<br/>
Am I dead? is this what it is like to be dead? What about Athena? </p><p>There are voices all around me. I open my eyes, bodies and debris all around. I can still see and hear; body is still working.<br/>
Though I  feel like it would almost be better if it wasn’t.</p><p>I get to my feet and right in front of me so does my beloved, and I try not to panic and curse as I see what is before me.<br/>
Athena’s armour is a wreck and I can see blood streaming down her side from wounds I can't quite make out.. </p><p> My heart sinks very fast, very quickly as she collapses to her knees; unable to stand.<br/>
I’ve never seen her like this. I don’t think anybody has ever seen her like this because it would lower morale and soldiers would panic…</p><p>I decide in that moment, to change our plans. I pick her up, carrying her over my shoulder.<br/>
Its not the best idea in the world, but I will not leave her behind.<br/>
I refuse to leave her behind. Not in all this mess – not in the destruction.</p><p>I pick her up. Something I’ve never done before, I sling her over my shoulder, still running.</p><p>"Keep going,"  I yell out and just as I do I see them; three Husks running right toward us.</p><p> “Garrus, what the hell!? Put me down. What’s gotten into you!?” Athena demands, freezing as she sees the Husks.</p><p> I have no clue where my weapons are and while I see Athena's pistol strapped to her still but it is too far to reach without stopping and setting her down. </p><p> Fuck,<br/>
We are dead if we stop and we’re dead if we keep moving. Just as the first husk leaps at us it suddenly flies backward along with the others as well and I don’t ask questions, I just hope that it is Liara that is following us – she’s one of the most powerful Biotics we know.</p><p>I heard screaming behind us, and I look back for a brief second, hearing familiar voices yell back at me to keep going.</p><p>“This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done, Garrus Vakarian!” Athena yells at me.</p><p> “I’m sure you can yell at me later.” I yell over the gunfire.</p><p> I look ahead. I have to ignore the desperate screams of those dying around us. I feel like I’m going to collapse at any moment, but I have to push past what is trying to hold me back, to get a move on.</p><p> “Garrus, whatever you’re thinking, I need to get to the Crucible.” Athena chokes up.</p><p> “What do you think I’m trying to do?” I ask her, like it isn’t literally painfully obvious where we’re headed.</p><p> “Garrus… I… .” I hear her gag; the pain must be so bad and I’ve run out of medi-gel.</p><p> I hear Joker ask over the comms if anyone needs an evac – the reply is static almost, broken amongst the chaos.<br/>
I don’t hear who replies. There’s too much to focus on, to try and sort out whose voice is who.</p><p>This mission just got really, really personal if it wasn’t already.<br/>
The rule of being in the military is not to let your heart and your romances get in the way of your duty – well, I’ve literally broke all of the rules.<br/>
I don’t give a damn.</p><p> “Shepard? Shepard! Come in, this is Joker -”</p><p>The Normandy comes into view out the corner of my eye and I hope that Liara and the others got out okay.<br/>
Some aren’t so lucky. Some bodies won’t even be able to be recovered; destroyed by the Reaper’s beam<br/>
If Athena had collapsed to the ground and passed out, we’d all be a goner. But no, I know she is stronger than that.</p><p> I want to wonder and think of what would have happened if Athena had had her way and she’d sent me back on the Normandy and was left to charge to the beam alone.<br/>
I do not think about it for too long; I do not want to think about it. There is no time to think about it.</p><p>Running is a strong term for what we are doing now; it is more like limping and hopping at the same time.<br/>
This is it. I can see it, we’re almost there. I have no time to stop, but I gather the last of my strength to charge forward and leap into the conduit whilst still holding Athena, praying to whoever may be watching over us, to let us win this battle and carry on.<br/>
I need her to hold on.</p><p>I feel a sudden sensation around my torso as though a large invisible cord is yanking me up somewhere, very violently and then a feeling like we’re floating, washes over me.</p><p>We awaken in a dimly lit chamber surrounded by dozens, if not hundreds of corpses.<br/>
From somewhere I can’t see, I can hear water running. </p><p> Neither Athena nor I are looking too good but at least I can move. </p><p>Athena’s leg is completely fucked if I don’t do something, as my eyes focus and see she’s been impaled on something and If we remove it here she may easily bleed out, but if we leave it in I doubt she could stand let alone walk.<br/>
I imagine the only reason she was able to try and stand before was sheer adrenaline pumping.</p><p> I hear Anderson calling over Shepard’s comm.  </p><p>“Shepard, are you there?” </p><p>    “I’m here Anderson, Garrus and I made it. Are you up here too?”<br/>
I can hear the pain in her voice.</p><p>“So that’s who has been with you. I followed you up, but I didn’t come out the same place...at least I don’t think we did. What’s your surroundings look like?” </p><p>Even over the comm I can hear the laboured breathing as Anderson speaks. Athena gasps in pain. </p><p>“You okay?” Anderson asks.</p><p>“I feel like death. But… I don’t like what I’m seeing.” Athena replies, looking around and sounding so horrified, so genuinely terrified “There are… corpses everywhere. How many people have died here!?”</p><p>    “Sounds familiar. I am in a dark hallway, reminds me of your description of the Collector base.”</p><p>Athena sits up and pulls out her weapon. She tries to stand and I have to catch her. I don’t know how she kept from screaming out. She sits back down.</p><p> “Makes sense.” she says into her Omni Tool.</p><p>    “You think that they are making a Reaper in here?”  Anderson asks.</p><p>I wish he would stop talking so I can examine Athena, but she keeps speaking to him </p><p>“Sure, they round them up on Earth and send the people up here to be processed.” </p><p>    “God-damn abomination. I’m gonna keep moving. The sooner we blow these bastards back to hell, the better.”  Anderson finishes and the comm finally goes silent. </p><p>She turns to me, tears running down her face she is about to speak but I beat her to it.    </p><p>“You and I both know there is no way you are going to meet up with him.<br/>
You are in too much pain and can’t stand no matter how much you wish you could, so don’t try to argue.”</p><p> She’s shaking. I’ve never seen Commander Shepard look so vulnerable.</p><p> “You should be back on the Normandy, safe. It’s my job to follow through my orders. We’ve talked about this! We said our goodbyes.”</p><p> “I wasn’t going to let you die. Why couldn’t you get somebody else to activate the Crucible?”</p><p> She looks at me.</p><p> “Because I’m your Commanding Officer. We both came into this war knowing that this was going to be the outcome.  They told me I had to end the war. It’s always been me.”</p><p> I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach and I clumsily sit beside her, breathing heavily as I try to keep calm.</p><p> “You’ve always done so much for the galaxy, and you’ve died in the line of duty already. Let me help you, let me be the one to activate the Crucible.”</p><p> She looks at me like I’m fucking crazy.</p><p> “No. I can’t let you do that, Garrus. I have my duty…”</p><p> Our hands touch as I reach out to grab the debris sticking out her leg.</p><p> This is one of the first arguments we’ve ever had. I know I’ve stepped over the line and made this mission personal.</p><p> “You shouldn’t be putting us, before the mission.” She says weakly. “You know that’s the rule.”</p><p> “I know, but you and I both know we don’t exactly follow those rules.”</p><p>I apologise for what I’m about to do, and in one movement, I rip out the debris; Athena screaming in agony that echoes around this ungodly place.</p><p> “Oh my god, where’s the Medi Gel!?” she screeches, throwing up from the pain.</p><p> “I have none left.” I tell her the truth and she curses at me.</p><p>I can’t look her in the eye, in the fear of saying something I’ll regret.  We need to find Anderson.</p><p> “Don’t turn away from me, Garrus Vakarian. I’m not going to lose my best fucking friend and my lover, all in one go. I don’t want to watch you die.”</p><p> “I did what I did because I love you. I could scream to the world about how I want to keep you safe. I don’t regret what I did. Without you, I am not whole. Without you, I’ll be what I was like when I was Archangel – an empty husk of the Turian you knew,”</p><p> I’d always told her that I would tell her I love her, in my own way and my own time.<br/>
I didn’t think it would be now. But there is no better time.</p><p> She forces me to look at her, cupping my face. She’s never had somebody to look out for her, she’s never had a family, she’s never had anything a normal person could want.<br/>
Everything good gets taken away from her and it’s like she’s been punished for doing her job.<br/>
It’s not fair what she’s been through.</p><p> “I always will love you, Garrus. You’re not going to go back to being Archangel. Stop thinking you’ll go back there. You’re not activating the Crucible.”</p><p> “You can’t activate it without me. Just look at the state we’re in.” I say.</p><p> I get up and I watch Athena struggle, but she shrugs it off, putting on a brave face.</p><p> “I hate you and love you so much all at the same time, you bastard.” She whispers, tears in her eyes.</p><p> “I know. I know.” Is all I can say.</p><p> I know she’s scared. Nobody knows what will happen, This is it, the final curtain of the final act of the war.</p><p> “Do you think the others will retreat now?” Athena asks me.</p><p> “Probably. Which means, from here on out, we’re on our own. Let’s finish this.” I respond.</p><p>I pause and I go to say something else. Athena calls my name and then passes out – the gun going off in the process. The bullet misses me but ricochets off a wall and clatters to the ground.<br/>
I make sure Athena is alright, positioning her back against the wall. </p><p> “I’m so, so sorry. I love you. I hope you can forgive me.” I whisper. </p><p>I check her pulse. She’s still breathing, but for how long? She isn’t exactly in the best condition.</p><p> I stand up again and hesitate for a few moments.<br/>
It kills me to leave her behind, but time is running out. I proceed out of the corpse room we landed in. </p><p>There is a bright light and I force myself to follow the light, stumbling as I try and adjust.<br/>
The corridor I go down is straighter than anything else I’ve ever navigated before, </p><p> My head hasn’t felt this bad since getting shot in the mandible and I don’t even want to think about the pain in my abdomen that is making it harder and harder to breathe.</p><p> I reach the end of the corridor and enter a large room,  with a console at the other end.<br/>
On the floor there are two bodies, one of them I recognize as Anderson. I kneel beside him to check his vitals but it is too late. He is gone.</p><p> I don’t want to think about how Athena will feel if she lives and finds out that the father she always wanted and had, is now gone.<br/>
I don’t want to be the one to break it to her.<br/>
He’ll be another name on the war memorial wall. I don’t want to think about who else could join him.</p><p> If I hadn’t helped Athena get to where she is now, I do not think the war would have been won.<br/>
I’m glad I interrupted and planned to take her place all along.<br/>
There’s no way, in her state that she could keep going, even with all her implants and her healing factors.</p><p>  And with no Medi Gel, she’s just… going to bleed out.</p><p>My Shepard. My Athena. If this is the end, we’ll be meeting at the bar. I don;t want this to be the end, but I do not know if I can go on, in a literal and figurative sense if I make it out alive and she doesn’t.<br/>
I didn’t realise how dramatic I can get.</p><p>It takes me back to the calls I had with my Father when I thought I was going to die, back when I was Archangel.</p><p>  I look over at the second body, he is not someone I recognize but whoever he was he bears the signs of Reaper indoctrination all over his face; it figures that the Reapers would leave guards in case anyone made it this far.<br/>
As best as I can tell it appears Anderson and this other man killed each other as both are holding pistols. </p><p>I take Anderson’s weapon in case there are more surprises waiting and make my way to the console.<br/>
A few moments later I have done it. The arms of the Citadel are opening, the battle above Earth  looks terrifying, but we have done it. The Crucible is here and is attaching itself to the Citadel. </p><p>Nothing happens.</p><p> I was expecting a giant blast of energy or at least some sort of wave of energy or sound shutting down the reapers if not outright destroying them, but there is nothing but silence. </p><p>A voice comes in over the communicators on the station. </p><p>“Shepard are you there? Commander?” </p><p>I recognize the voice as Admiral Hackett.<br/>
I activate the communicator on the console </p><p>“Admiral, it’s Garrus, uh, Officer Vakarian sir. Shepard is here but badly wounded and so I had to open the station myself. ” </p><p>    “Something is wrong, the Crucible is attached successfully but it isn’t firing. It’s got to be something on your end” Hackett sounds stressed as hell, and I don’t blame him.</p><p>I do not tell him about Anderson. I cannot bring myself to tell him. It hurts too much.<br/>
All the stories I have heard, all what Athena has told me about him… I cannot say a bad word about the man.</p><p>“I don’t see any-” I’m cut off, as suddenly the floor beneath me starts rising into the air. I stumble back and almost fall off the platform. </p><p>Blinding light envelopes me again, for what seems like the millionth time and when I am able to see again I seem to be in a reactor room of some sort.<br/>
I must have concussion too,  because I swear an A.I. in the shape of a human child is approaching me.<br/>
The pain brings me back to the reality that what I’m experiencing, is absolutely real.</p><p>    “Why are you here?” The voice of the A.I demands.</p><p>    “Where are we? Who are you?” I ask. </p><p>    “This Citadel is my home. I am the Catalyst.” The voice answers. </p><p>Somewhere in the back of my mind I remember Athena mentioning something about a catalyst that was needed for the crucible to work. I wish I had paid more attention during those briefings now, instead of doing calibrations all the time to take my mind off official matters between me and different officials as I helped Palaven and everyone else involved.</p><p>    “So you are the Citadel?” I ask.</p><p>    “No, the Citadel is part of me” The voice responds.</p><p> I do not see the difference but I drop the issue. This thing is already being a smart-ass. </p><p>    “I need to destroy the Reapers, can you help me do that?” I ask; breathing is becoming harder.</p><p>    “Perhaps, I control the Reapers, they are my solution.” The Child says.</p><p>    “Solution? Solution to what?” I ask, wondering what he could mean.</p><p>If this thing controls the Reapers, then I have some very strong words for everything this has caused, the issues plaguing the galaxy are a damnation on everyone who didn’t deserve this.<br/>
What gives this A.I the right to do this? Who programmed this intelligence to behave this way?</p><p>    “Chaos. The created will always rebel against their creators” The voice answers turning back to the battle unfolding outside us. “but we have found a way to stop this from happening .”</p><p>    “By wiping out organic life?” I ask, puzzled. </p><p>“No, we harvest advanced civilizations while leaving the younger ones alone. As we did with your people the last time this occurred.”</p><p>    “But you killed the rest.” I tell it. </p><p>  “No, we helped them ascend so they could make way way for new life, storing the old life in Reaper form” The Child says.</p><p>    “I think we would all prefer to remain in our own forms thank you very much.” I say, angrily. I do not think it understands what a turn of phrase is.</p><p>    “No, you can’t. Without us to stop it, Synthetics would destroy all Organic life. We have created this cycle to ensure that never happens.” </p><p>“Bull. Shit.” I say “You do know your ‘cycle’ as you call it is complete garbage and your ‘solution’ fails in at least three ways and probably more but the blood loss may be too much for me to come up with anything else, right?. What gives you the right to play and act as the role of God?.”</p><p>    “You could never understand. I was created to oversee relations between Synthetics and Organics and to act as the bridge between them and to establish a connect. Sadly all our efforts always ended in conflict. A new solution was required.”</p><p>“And so this solution you came up with was the Reapers. Let me explain how this fails.” I begin, taking a breath.</p><p>I hope to god if there is an afterlife, I get to meet whatever or whomever made this A.I, because there will be hell to pay and I won’t hold back on how I feel.<br/>
I’m sick and tired of the bullshit and the lies and the terrible reasoning.</p><p>I’m tired of things and people acting so high and mighty and taking what they can without no repercussions.<br/>
I’m tired of taking the shit and not giving it in return, when people deserve it.<br/>
That’s what drove me to being Archangel before.<br/>
I don’t want to go back.</p><p> I don’t like who I was. I don’t like being Archangel, but if I have to be, I will. I will go back. </p><p>“Firstly, you act all logical and superior and yet you cannot see that by enacting this cycle you became what you were created to fight against.  Helping other species “ascend” as you put it is essentially just saving a backup of what used to exist in a hard drive somewhere. Your Reapers are not as pure as you think either.”</p><p>No reaction out of this A.I grade asshole.</p><p>“I was on Virmire, I heard Sovereign speak and heard Harbinger talk through the Collectors he would control. I didn’t hear the voice of an emotionless cleanser doing their duty, they ENJOYED harvesting us and relished the prospect of ending our species. Secondly, your criteria for advanced civilizations is flawed. My species has been using Mass technology for almost 2000 years but these humans who have given you so much trouble and even now resist you have only had the technology for less than 40 years. I might also add that you want the cycle to continue at an accelerated rate; Why else would you leave the Mass Relays making it easier for us to develop faster than light travel millennia millennia ahead of schedule?”</p><p>I’m starting to think this A.I was sent to be my therapist. A really shitty, indoctrinated therapist.<br/>
Getting things off my chest is so good, it is freeing, but god am I stumbling over the words as I try to hold myself together.</p><p>“Finally, and most importantly, your cycle is flawed on a basic logical level.<br/>
Let us examine the logic of your position. If organics Create synthetics, then synthetics will always Destroy organics and that standpoint the argument is valid, except that it hinges completely on the idea that the Destroy component of the argument is accurate which there is no evidence of and in fact due to your actions there is overwhelming evidence of the opposite: The Geth, that is to say, the synthetics of our time; have forgiven their creators and made peace to stop you. There is no evidence to back up your logic and the evidence that is there supports to opposite. Your ENTIRE reasoning hinges on you failing to bring peace between your people and the synthetics of your era. We are not you. We do not have to make the same mistakes.” I finish and the A.I looks at me as though processing what I have said.</p><p>“You, may have a point. However it does not matter if you are right or not. Either way the fact that you, an organic, have made it here and the mere existence of your Crucible prove that a new solution is required” ‘He’ responds, </p><p>I want to punch this prick in the face, and he’s taking the form of a child. That ain’t gonna look good on my record.<br/>
He’s like a preacher that won’t shut up.</p><p>    “There is only ONE solution I will accept and that is the final destruction of the Reapers and an end to this cycle once and for all.” I say.</p><p>    “Then it is within your power to destroy the Reapers.” He points to what looks like a generator off to the right of us. “But be warned; others will be destroyed as well. The Crucible will not be able to discriminate and will target all synthetics.”</p><p> Thoughts race through my mind, Legion’s death and the deaths of countless others and everything Athena worked so hard for; with Tali and the Quarians to make peace with the Geth. will have all been for nothing. </p><p>A worse thought comes to mind: EDI would die too. Joker will be crushed, the Relays will be effected and everything we know and love will be changed forever.<br/>
Oh God, how will this affect the synthetic parts in Athena? would she die? If she did survive, would she be the same? </p><p>I can’t do this. I can’t. The damn choice is too hard a choice to make.<br/>
Now I know why my Athena had so many sleepless nights, so many worries and so much to deal with – weighing the [pros and cons of what could happen, how things would happen and what she wanted to happen.<br/>
Just break me even further, why don’t you fate? What kind of destiny is this?</p><p> Fuck. I can’t run from this or delay this any longer. I take a deep breath and centre myself.<br/>
“Be strong for her” I tell myself. </p><p>Pulling out the pistol I had taken from Anderson’s body, I walk to the generator the A.I had indicated and fired once and then a second shot<br/>
Energy begins to surge,</p><p> Whatever happens, happens.<br/>
I imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory and this is where it’s gonna get me.</p><p>“Athena, I will see you on the other side.”</p><p> Everything explodes, again, like everything else around us, and then I’m falling.</p><p>I cannot hear or see anything.  The darkness swallows me whole.<br/>
It sends me down a river of numbness and then I can see pictures again as I’m being taken through a valley of memories, through every single moment of my life since the moment I met Shepard, to where we were.</p><p>Everything that has happened, has happened because I made this mission personal, because I didn’t want my soul mate to die.<br/>
We fought tooth and nail to cling on to what we have… and now? Now I’m not too sure how to feel. </p><p>We wanted children, we wanted a family… we wanted to retire. ‘We want’, I’m repeating like a mantra.<br/>
Everything I’ve ever wanted, is to make Athena happy.<br/>
Have I been enough? Have I done enough? Will it be enough to get me to the bar on the other side?<br/>
So many questions I keep asking myself and so many answers I want, but know I will not get.</p><p> If I see Athena, one last time, that would be enough.</p><p>I dread to think about what my father would think. I don’t know how he would react to me doing all of this, disobeying orders.<br/>
I wonder if I’ll be given a funeral – if Solana and the others will attend.</p><p>I wish I could see their faces, to see what is going on, but I guess I can’t.</p><p> It feels like years have passed as the memories play out in slow motion, like a ‘in memoriam’ montage and I just know at this point, I am very likely dead.</p><p>  “Garrus? Come back to me Garrus. Don’t you dare leave me.” </p><p>That voice cuts through the memories, shattering them and ruining my trip to the other side. I can hear that they’re sobbing, telling me not to let go. To keep fighting.<br/>
The pain is gone now and I gasp for air, my body screaming as it registers where we are as I find myself waking up.</p><p>I’m in a hospital. It looks like the Citadel hospital.</p><p>Holy shit, I’m alive.</p><p> I see Athena.</p><p> “I’m dead, aren’t I? There’s no way I could have survived that. No way we could have…”</p><p> “No. You’re alive, Garrus Vakarian. You’re alive and you’ve come back to me.”</p><p> She looks like she’s been through a war zone – ugly scars haven’t healed and it looks like she went a round of fights with Wrex.<br/>
I wonder if they’re permanent. Not that I don’t care – even if they don’t heal at all, I’ll still love her all the same.</p><p> Like I’ve always loved her.</p><p> “But… how?” I whisper.</p><p> “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.” Athena sobs, as the doctor bursts into my room. I laugh as my eyes try to focus on who is in the doorway.</p><p> “You’ve been in a coma for six months, how the fuck are you awake?”</p><p> Ah yes, Dr Chakwas. I’d know that tone anywhere.</p><p> “Is she talking to me, or you?” I ask Athena.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really hope you enjoyed. A comment would be much appreciated, and a kudos. Thank you.</p><p>Please do not expect anything from me for a few days as this took 4 days alone and has wiped me out completely. It was such fun to write, but a lot of hard wok to get right.<br/>thank you for your support throughout this Project</p></blockquote></div></div>
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